Wednesday, 10 April 2013

V-log 1: So Uncle Travelling Matt, how many countries have you visited...?

Greetings!

The first instalment of what I hope will become an occasional, ongoing series in which I deal with odd issues that crop up with travelling, I talk all about those countries that, well... aren't really countries after all...

As always, comments welcome.

Keep travelling!

Uncle Travelling Matt


Check out all my V-logs!

Thursday, 4 April 2013

Across Asia With a Lowlander: Part 2a: Qingdao

world-map qingdao

Greetings!

This week’s posting is a day early since I’m off to Walsingham this weekend and so I need to be away from the computer for a few days. However, whilst I’m with Our Lady, you can be reading all about the time that the Lowlander and I sailed to China…

Keep travelling!

Uncle Travelling Matt

Flickr album of this trip

Links to all parts of the travelogue

Book 1: Embarking Upon A New Korea

1a: Toyama to Pusan

1b: Pusan

1c: Seoul

1d: The DMZ

1e: Seoul, Incheon and Across the Yellow Sea

Book 2: Master Potter does Fine China

2a: Qingdao

2b: Beijing (I)

2c: Beijing (II)

2d: Beijing (III)

2e: Yinchuan (I)

2f: Yinchuan(II)

2g: Lanzhou

2h: Bingling-si

2i: Xiahe

2j: Lanzhou and Jiayuguan

2k: Jiayuguan

2l: Dunhuang

2m: Urumqi (I)

2n: Urumqi (II)

2o: Urumqi (III)

Book 3: Steppe to the Left, Steppe to the Right…

3a: Druzhba to Almaty

3b: Shumkent to Tashkent

3c: Tashkent (I) 

3d: Bukhara

3e: Bukhara to Samarkand

3f: Samarkand

3g: Samarkand to Urgench

3h: Khiva

3i: Tashkent (II)

3j: Tashkent to Moscow

3k: Moscow (I)

3l: Moscow (II)

3m: Moscow (III)

3n: Konotop to Varna

china01

qingdao 

BOOK II

Master Potter does Fine China

(Or the accounts of a Midlander in a Middle Kingdom)

18th July, 2002 – Qingdao, China

Early morning afloat revealed a surprise. Opening curtains to our little porthole, we saw not the endless expanse of ocean that we'd expected, but instead a nearby shore, lined with skyscrapers and other lesser structures.

qingdao01 Chinese dawn

“But we're not meant to arrive for another two hours,” said the Lowlander.

“Perhaps the boat follows the shore for some distance, and this is not Qingdao?” suggested I.

But no, this was our city of destination, and half an hour later we were descending the staircase towards the dry land of China, a little unprepared and ahead of schedule.

china visa

Going through the customs and in the taxi into the town, I scanned the passing scenery eagerly, anxious to register my first impressions of this vast country. More than most places that I've had the good fortune to visit, I was curious. What exactly is China like? Rich, poor, totalitarian and oppressed, or free and easy? Considering its vast size we do hear remarkably little about it, but there again, perhaps that is intentional? All I knew is that it had been very poor but is now supposed to be getting very rich, very quickly. This wealth however was not being spread out too much, the cities of the Eastern Seaboard doing very well, whereas the West is lagging behind. Or at least that is what the sages in the world's current affairs periodicals tell us. Well, Qingdao being a port, definitely falls into the Eastern Seaboard category, but even so I knew not what to expect. Is it rich like Japan or South Korea, or just rich when compared with the Third World? And rich in what way? A brash, bold and untidy wealth, such as unbridle capitalism tends to produce, or a regimented, sterile and ordered prosperity such as old Mao would approve of? I was eager to find out.

My first glances told a mixed story. The port, with its grand yet shabby customs facilities was something straight out of the Eastern Bloc, yet as we drove into town in our Volkswagen taxi, we were in a city more akin to Seoul than Sofia. Brash advertising hoardings and boastful towers of commerce sprung up on both sides, and the pavements were peopled by men and women as smart and fashionable as their counterparts on the streets of Pusan and Osaka. Yet at the same time, this wasn't Korea or Japan, and underneath it all a redbrick and concrete block uniformity that smacked of Stalin was omnipresent. No, this was no Korea. That's because it was China.

The taxi dropped us and our baggage off as requested in the large square by the city's railway station. We'd decided beforehand to book our tickets onwards to Beijing first, and dump our baggage in the left luggage at the station, before embarking of the coastal city unencumbered and with a firm knowledge of how much time we had. Actually doing so however, proved to be far more difficult than we'd anticipated, as it soon became obvious that in China one cannot just turn up at the booking office and purchase a ticket for the next train.

“To Beijing? No, it's full.”

“What time is the train with free seats?”

(All this was being done, by the way, via phrases from the guide and phrase books, jotted down in the KFC across the road, before we'd entered the confines of the station).

“Nine at night.”

“Ok, two soft sleeper tickets.”

(In China there are two classes of sleeper, hard and soft. We thought that the latter sounded better).

“There are no soft sleeper tickets left.”

“Ok, then two hard sleeper tickets please.”

“No hard sleeper tickets left.”

“Oh. When is there a train with sleeper tickets?”

“Two days time.”

“Ok then, two soft seat tickets please.”

(Like the sleepers, you can get hard or soft seats).

“No soft seats.”

“Two hard seats then.”

“Ok.”

Hmm, that would mean travelling through the night to Beijing, (which was thirteen hours away), on a hard seat; a prospect that sounded far from inviting, but there was nothing for it. And looking on the bright side, at least we'd be saving money.

Tickets done, we went to stow our bags which would hopefully be an easier task to accomplish. Before committing my rucksack to the nice man at the left luggage counter however, I moved over to a dark corner to take out my money and guidebook. About to put my bag down, I was halted by a loud “Stop!” from the Lowlander.

“What?” I asked, somewhat perplexed.

“Look at the floor!” I did as commanded, only to find that every corner or niche, including that where I was about to put my bag, was covered with spittle. It was truly a most disgusting spectacle.

“I heard about that habit before I came here,” spoke my Dutch comrade in travels. “They spit in every corner they find.” Flob-covered baggage avoided, I moved to a more open place, and extracted my essentials, before committing the bags to a day of confinement in a metal locker, and heading out into the open, ready to explore the great Chinese metropolis of Qingdao.

Whoa! Wait a minute! What's this about a 'great metropolis'? Qingdao? Never even heard of the place myself; it can't be that great, surely? And to be a metropolis, well, you have to have a fair few people I reckon. We too, it must be admitted, had never even heard of the place either, yet a quick look at the guidebook told us that we perhaps should have. Qingdao, population 6,954,400. Wait a minute! That's seven million, that's bloody huge! That's bigger than any city in Europe barring London, Paris, Istanbul and Moscow! It's bigger that virtually every city in North America too, and far surpasses anything that Australasia has to offer. But there again, that's China; a country that the modern Westerner knows so little about, that a metropolis of seven million can be easily missed. In fact, who reading this can name more than four Chinese cities? Not many I imagine, and I doubt not that twelve million strong Tianjin is not in the list that you came up with.

Qingdao is not only big however. To the Chinese it is also very famous as an urban holiday resort and the home of the country's favourite brew Tsingtao, (an old spelling of 'Qingdao'). Its main claim to fame however, is not as a centre of Oriental ale production, but instead that during the nineteenth century, it was Germany's Treaty Port on the Yellow Sea, ( it was them that established the brewery by the way), and more than a few Teutonic traces remain, particularly in the city's architecture, making it the ideal place for those Chinese who fancy a bit of European culture to head for.

qingdao03

China… or Germany?

And indeed, sampling it they were. Large parties of schoolchildren were being assembled into orderly lines by harassed teachers who were anxious that they notice the railway station's Bavarian flavour. We however, had come to see China, not Hanover, and so we didn't stay around to watch, instead heading towards the bank to change some money.

qingdao02 Schoolchildren on a trip to Qingdao

We got our yuan without any hassle at an extremely plush bank and then set out, not for the tourist sites, but rather strangely, the post office. But there again, perhaps not that strangely. After all, we’d arrived safely in a new country, and were now deep within the scary unknown red bosom of the People’s Republic. Was it not right to tell the world that all was not evil and that we were safe and sound? That’s what we reckoned anyway, plus getting rid of some of the junk that we’d acquired in Korea might not be a bad idea too, so that’s what we did, and I must admit rather enjoying trying to get across to the friendly postal staff what we wanted to send and where we wanted to send it to.

Qingdao, despite being a hugely popular tourist resort, is not over endowed with sights to see, or at least, not sights of a non-German origin, most folks coming purely for the beaches. Well, that’s the impression that we got anyway as we passed bathing beaches numbers six, one, two and three, (Oh, how romantic the Chinese are with their names!), in our taxi en route to the only site that interested us; Zhanshan Si, a Tiantai Buddhist temple with, (according to the guidebook), twenty monks in residence. Not that it is that remarkable a place mind, it was only built in 1934, and so can hardly be listed in the ‘ancient’ category, but this was China, and in China seeing temples is a tourist must. Besides, I’d never been in a Tiantai, (whatever that means, I never found out from the visit), temple, or indeed any temple in China before, so why not?

Actually, Zhanshan Si turned out to be quite interesting. Incense fragranced the air, and although the buildings were of brick and unremarkable, the place did have an atmosphere, and the greenery that surrounded the complex was a welcome change. I bought a few of the smelly sticks and offered thanks, before marvelling at the wooden effigies of deities in the pavilions and then returning back to the city centre.

qingdao04 

Zhanshan Si

Now Qingdao may have almost seven million residents, but like Incheon before it, you’d never have guessed from visiting the place. In fact, from walking around the city centre, you’d be hard pressed to imagine that there was more than a million there, so tiny was its central business district, being no larger than that of Wolverhampton or Groningen. Perhaps we never did find the true heart of the city, or perhaps out-of-town shopping has taken off in a big way in China, I know not, but the place had the feel of some provincial town, now an enormous metropolis on a par with Berlin. Still, that meant that wandering the streets was not too taxing, and we two enjoyed it, purchasing a new pair of shoes for myself, a meal for us both, some English language books and stumbling on a fine Bavarian-style Catholic church where I acquired a rosary and small crucifix, (I’d figured we’d be needing all the help that we could get further inland).

qingdao05 

Qingdao Cathedral

Walking back to the railway station, the Lowlander and I decided to look upwards, not forwards, and entered into a discussion on the towering new buildings that dominated the modern centre of Qingdao. “The thing is though,” my sage Dutch friend commented, “they spend all this time designing nice new buildings, that are really smart and everything, and then screw it up with the air conditioners.” It was a wise observation. The appearance of each building, pristine and shiny, with straight lines reaching towards the skies, was completely ruined by the addition of air conditioning units fastened to the outsides of half the apartments or offices, destroying the sense of symmetry and design. It was in a way, perhaps a good indicator of the situation of modern China. The country is rich and getting richer, yet only two or three decades ago it was very much a Third World state, and in its rush forwards, some of the short-sighted and ill-thought out practices, common to the Third World, had not yet eradicated themselves.

We had some time to wait before our train departed so we headed into the McDonalds on the main square, (they have decent tea, ok), and drank several cuppas whilst continuing our mammoth backgammon competition, a session just favourable to myself, ending at three games to two in the Britisher's favour. As we looked out of the large plate glass windows onto the illuminated beach, whilst listening to the keyboard player that the kind management of the shop with the yellow 'M' had employed to entertain diners, we agreed that Qingdao was indeed rather a pleasant city and our introduction to the People’s Republic had been a favourable one.

It was dark when we boarded our train, a vast snake of seventeen carriages hauled by a mighty monster of a diesel locomotive. Hard seat class we found to our dismay was very much that, with the passengers being crammed in and the seats themselves having extremely annoying vertical backs. We asked about upgrading, which is possible on Chinese State Railways, but alas it was not on this service. It was high season, and Qingdao was a tourist resort, and every seat in every class was taken. So, we sat down with no option of seeing out the trip in a degree of discomfort.

qingdao06 All aboard the night train…

But it wasn't all bad, since travelling proletariat-style does mean that you are thrown in with those said people, and our fellow travellers did turn out to be not only friendly, but also English-speaking. They were a student from a town in Inner Mongolia called Homrue, and a jolly fat guy called Cheung Yan, who were returning from an enjoyable vacation in the German-esque resort. We chatted for a while, and then I finished Colin Forbes's Precipice, and when I had perused all its predictable pages, I handed it over to the student so that he may learn the English vocabulary connected with the World of European Espionage. And that done, and the lights turned out I snuggled down into my seat as much as was possible and drifted into a light and uneasy slumber.

Next part: 2b: Beijing (I)

Friday, 29 March 2013

Across Asia With A Lowlander: Part 1e: Seoul, Incheon and Across the Yellow Sea

world-map seoul

Greetings!

Here we are, as Easter approaches, coming to the end of the Book One of Across Asia With A Lowlander in which the Lowlander and I leave South Korea via the port of Incheon to sail across the Yellow Sea to China in perhaps the most unromantically-named boat ever. Keep following for next week we’ll be starting Book Two: Master Potter Does Fine China, (I don’t know how I think ‘em up!).

Keep travelling!

Uncle Travelling Matt

 Flickr album of this trip

Links to all parts of the travelogue

Book 1: Embarking Upon a New Korea

1a: Toyama to Pusan

1b: Pusan

1c: Seoul

1d: The DMZ

1e: Seoul, Incheon and Across the Yellow Sea

Book 2: Master Potter does Fine China

2a: Qingdao

2b: Beijing (I)

2c: Beijing (II)

2d: Beijing (III)

2e: Yinchuan (I)

2f: Yinchuan(II)

2g: Lanzhou

2h: Bingling-si

2i: Xiahe

2j: Lanzhou and Jiayuguan

2k: Jiayuguan

2l: Dunhuang

2m: Urumqi (I)

2n: Urumqi (II)

2o: Urumqi (III)

Book 3: Steppe to the Left, Steppe to the Right…

3a: Druzhba to Almaty

3b: Shumkent to Tashkent

3c: Tashkent (I) 

3d: Bukhara

3e: Bukhara to Samarkand

3f: Samarkand

3g: Samarkand to Urgench

3h: Khiva

3i: Tashkent (II)

3j: Tashkent to Moscow

3k: Moscow (I)

3l: Moscow (II)

3m: Moscow (III)

3n: Konotop to Varna

japan-korea-map 4

s_korea_rmap3

17th July, 2002 – Seoul, South Korea

It was another early morning as we set off for another new country, this time virgin territory for us both, the Middle Kingdom, China. The lady at the Tourist Information desk had said that we needed to be at the port terminal in Incheon by eleven to buy a ticket, even though the boat didn't leave till past one. Problem was, she didn't say how long it would take to get to Incheon, Korea's third city and Seoul's outlet to the sea. We breakfasted as per usual in Lotteria and then made our way across the concourse to the subway station. As we passed the Tourist Information desk the Lowlander remarked, “They're probably glad to see us go, they can get back to doing nothing once more.” He was right, as I said before, in that city of ten million we seemed to be the only two visitors, which is a shame. Quite why Seoul, and indeed the whole of the peninsular attracts so few tourists is something of a mystery to me. Ok, so north of the DMZ it is understandable, North Korea truly does live up to the tourist motto of its southern neighbour as 'The best-kept secret in Asia'. It is so bloody well-kept in fact that even those weird enough to want to go, can't get in easily. But South Korea is completely open, (you don't even need a visa), and on top of that, it's cheap, safe, easy to navigate and full of interesting places to visit. I suppose being stuck in-between the big names of China and Japan doesn't help; those who want to see the Orient usually miss out Korea and go to one of its more illustrious neighbours. But nonetheless, probably the main reason why South Korea is so overlooked is that most travellers tend only to stay on the beaten paths, whether they realise it or not, and Korea unfortunately lies far away from any highway of Traveldom. I found the same to be true in the Philippines in South East Asia. The region is, on the whole teeming with tourists, but that archipelago, despite having numerous great sights, beautiful scenery, friendly English-speaking people and low costs, is remarkably traveller-free since it lies just off the traditional backpacker or tourist routes. Bad for them I suppose, but for me personally, well I quite like having these great places all to myself!

The Metro journey to Incheon was a long one with innumerable stops. When we eventually got there we took a taxi straight to the International Ferry Terminal, only to find that whilst buying the tickets would not be a problem, changing money was. It was a Bank Holiday and all the banks, including the one in the terminal were well and truly shut. Undeterred, I set off into the city centre, armed only with some Japanese yen and directions to a money-changers given by the terminal's Tourist Information desk.

Incheon, a city of 2.2 million is, along with Pusan, one of South Korea's two major ports. It shot to fame during the Korean War when General McArthur staged a massive maritime invasion there, which many believed was doomed to fail. But fail old General McArthur did not, and instead the entire course of the war was changed. The Southern Forces, which at the time held no more than an enclave around Pusan, started to push back and regain the territory that they'd lost to the North, and more. It took the addition of a million Chinese troops into the equation to turn the tide in Kim Il Sung's favour once more, and produce the divided peninsular we see today. Nowadays, the city bears few traces of the war and is more well-known for its International Airport and World Cup Stadium. Considering all of this, I expected the city centre to be a pretty impressive place indeed. The reality however, was far different. Walking around the streets, I could have easily mistaken the town to be one the size of Huddersfield or Groningen, rather than Barcelona or Bucharest. It was tiny! I suppose most of the businesses had been absorbed by the megalithic Seoul only thirty kilometres or so away, but even so it was surprising. What's more, nothing was open and so I quickly changed my yen and then headed back to the terminal.

Our vessel of conveyance towards Qingdao in China turned out to be the rather incongruously named Golden Bridge III, based in Panama, (nothing to do with tax, I'm sure). Like the port from which she departed, she was Korean, and a little smaller than I'd expected, but our cabin, complete with en-suite shower, was more than sufficient and there were no complaints from this quarter.

new golden bridge III New Golden Bridge III at dock

I was beginning to feel a bit of a true seaman by this stage, roaming the confines of the craft and comparing her with her sisters on the Irish, North, Java, Flores, South China, Mediterranean, Ionian and Aegean Seas that I have travelled on. The Lowlander however, was feeling unsettled. I always consider it a hilarious example of irony that he, born and bred in a small fishing community, on an island belonging to one of the world's greatest seafaring nations, should be so averse to boats, yet it's true. Whilst his drinking partners in the local cafe may be First Mates of fishermen, he requires a stack of tablets just to keep the contents of his stomach where they belong. Still, at least he didn't shirk from the challenge and for that he had my admiration.

The trip out of the harbour was more interesting than I'd anticipated. Once tired of looking at the other ships, our attentions were diverted to the fact that the whole harbour was several metres above sea level, and to get out of it required going through the largest lock that I had ever seen. By the time that the attractions of marine engineering had disappeared beyond the horizon however, I was settled on deck with a Colin Forbes novel, (a writer that I always seem to end up reading whilst on a boat or in a plane, I haven't the foggiest idea why), which was entertaining and contained a plot line reassuringly familiar to all his other books.

incheon 1

incheon 2

incheon 3 Scenes from Incheon Docks (the bottom photo shows a ship entering one of the enormous locks)

That evening's fare, served at the ship's restaurant, was a wholly unappetising creation laced with the ubiquitous kimchi. This side-dish, once a more than welcome addition to my dull diet of Japanese cuisine, had now become the backbone of my solids intake over the last few days, and I am sad to say that in this respect at least, I was glad to be heading out of Korea. Like so many Oriental dishes, it is fantastic as a change, but as an everyday thing? Leave me the sausage, chips and beans please!

That evening, to pass the time, I headed down to the miniscule on board bar to drink, read and write. I soon discovered however, that succeeding in the latter two would be an impossibility, when Jay, a Korean in L.A. (although not at that particular moment, obviously), joined me, and starting talking about his favourite topic, the art of making money. This nauseating subject, complemented by the movement of the waves, made me cut my visit to the Golden Bridge III's night scene short, and I headed up on deck to get my stomach settled once more.

It was then back to the cabin for the commencement of a most important contest. As I mentioned before, the Lowlander and I met whilst in Israel, and whilst there we both picked up the rules and a taste for that most Levantine of games, backgammon. Indeed, it could be said that we got to know each other over countless games of what the Arabs and Israelis call sheshbesh, in the kibbutz coffee house. Well, we are in Israel no longer, but the passion for the board of black and white triangles has remained, and so every time that we meet, we play. But never before had a full-blown tournament been attempted. However, with a whole month and more of long train journeys ahead of us, what better opportunity for a tournament of the most mammoth proportions, the best of one hundred games? And so we began, and after some hard dice rolling I emerged three-one ahead. Not bad for the first day, but the road ahead was long.

And with such thoughts in my mind, I turned in for the night, as the boat bobbed slowly across the Yellow Sea. South Korea, with its strange food, kind and friendly people, interesting culture, tragic war legacy and stunning scenery is a fantastic country and one all too often missed. I was glad to have seen a little and hoped one day to see much more, but for now my attention must be turned towards somewhere far vaster and unknown, the most populated nation on earth, a country with five thousand years of continuous history and the largest bastion of communism left, the People's Republic of China.

Next part: 2a: Qingdao

Sunday, 24 March 2013

Across Asia With A Lowlander: Part 1d: The DMZ

world-map seoul

Greetings!

It’s been a busy week this week on UTM. For starters I’ve compiled all my India videos into a single, hour-long film. The same too with my UAE stuff and it’s worth watching them because not only do they display my wonderful video-editing skills (?), but they also contain lots of footage that I didn’t post previously.

 

The written word too has not been left unscathed. I’ve revisited the travelogue dealing with my 2008 pilgrimage to Walsingham, adding some photos so that it hopefully comes alive a little more. All very apt since in a fortnight’s time I’ll be visiting there again after attending a wedding in Norwich. Check out the changes by clicking on the link below:

Nazareth in Norfolk

And finally I’d like the draw the attention of visitors to this excellent photo website. It’s called A Grasp on Life and its author is one of my old students from the George Byron School in Bulgaria. That would be reason alone to promote it, as too would the quality of the images, but what I really like is that a lot of the locations featured are ones close to my heart and thus have been featured or will be featured on this site. There are some incredible images of (amongst other places) the Netherlands, (where she now lives), Bulgaria, (where she’s from), and also the Negev Desert in Israel where I once lived and which will be the subject of a travelogue appearing soon on UTM. Seeing these photos make me really jealous as I wish I could bring places to life in that way, but when I get out my (admittedly cheap) camera, I just seem to end up with bland scenes that do no justice to the incredible vistas before me or pictures of yours truly in a ridiculous hat doing some sort of cheesy pose that should really be incorporated into a Whigfield dance routine. Oh well, until I do learn how to make good photos, I just hope that my words on this website help capture my “Grasp on Life” just as Ralitsa’s pictures do here.

A Grasp on Life

And so on with the show, and a trip to the border with the “Axis of Evil”…

Keep travelling!

Uncle Travelling Matt

Flickr album of this trip

Links to all parts of the travelogue

Book 1: Embarking Upon a New Korea

1a: Toyama to Pusan

1b: Pusan

1c: Seoul

1d: The DMZ

1e: Seoul, Incheon and Across the Yellow Sea

Book 2: Master Potter does Fine China

2a: Qingdao

2b: Beijing (I)

2c: Beijing (II)

2d: Beijing (III)

2e: Yinchuan (I)

2f: Yinchuan(II)

2g: Lanzhou

2h: Bingling-si

2i: Xiahe

2j: Lanzhou and Jiayuguan

2k: Jiayuguan

2l: Dunhuang

2m: Urumqi (I)

2n: Urumqi (II)

2o: Urumqi (III)

Book 3: Steppe to the Left, Steppe to the Right…

3a: Druzhba to Almaty

3b: Shumkent to Tashkent

3c: Tashkent (I) 

3d: Bukhara

3e: Bukhara to Samarkand

3f: Samarkand

3g: Samarkand to Urgench

3h: Khiva

3i: Tashkent (II)

3j: Tashkent to Moscow

3k: Moscow (I)

3l: Moscow (II)

3m: Moscow (III)

3n: Konotop to Varna

japan-korea-map 3

s_korea_rmap2

16th July, 2002 – Seoul, South Korea

South Korea, although arguably not to be the highlight of our trip, contained at least one sight that I for one was determined not to miss. If the trip from China to Bulgaria were to be looked at as a Grand Tour of the Best of the Communist and Post-Communist world, then surely the best starting point would be the only remaining country on earth where a strict form of Stalinism still prevails, the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, or for the laymen such as you and I, North Korea.

Travel to Korea's secretive North is possible, (so long as you're not South Korean or American), but it comes at a price. I was desperate to go and so researched the matter somewhat, only to discover that the best deal on offer was a week's trip by rail from Beijing with a Dutch company. And that came to well over a thousand euros, alas well out of my price range.

So with travel to Chairman Kim's domain out of the question I had to settle for the next best thing; a good look at it from the South, i.e. Entry a day trip into the infamous DMZ. I knew that this was more than possible as I'd seen Michael Palin do it once on TV and so straight after my arrival in Seoul I made enquiries as to how to follow in the footsteps of that Monty Python funnyman, and found out that the best way to 'run DMZ' was without a group, and instead just to take a train to the end of the line and then get on a tour operating from there. Such tours went to the Observatory, the Peace Park and a tunnel apparently, but not the truce village of Panmunjeon where one may enjoy the dubious pleasure of entering the meeting room where the peace talks take place, and in there walking around the table, thus actually stepping into DPRK territory. Yes indeed, it would be a pleasure hard to forego but on the other hand we'd be stepping in and out of enough countries in the coming two months, and one should never be greedy now, should one?

To say that I have a fascination with communism and the countries that adopted it is somewhat of an understatement. Ever since childhood it has intrigued me, what was it about, why did it fail, how much did it actually fail..? These questions bothered me almost as much as the bigger question as to why did it have such a hold on me personally? The fact that once we left South Korea we'd be on a solid dose of Leninland in all it's forms was no coincidence, and I hoped perhaps to be able to answer those questions by the end of it all. In the meantime however, I was excited, about to take my first swig of socialism for the trip, and I couldn't wait.

The train out was a local stopping service, full of carrier-bag laden housewives who alighted at the innumerable small stations situated by vast company-owned apartment block complexes in Seoul's suburbs, that in their dull grey uniformity, looked like they should really be in the North rather than here. Except for the odd army base, the place was monotonous, boring and far too normal. It was hard to believe that a mere fifty kilometres away lay a vast Red Menace that, if it wished to, could obliterate these nondescript suburbs in minutes.

Finally however our train pulled up at it's destination. Well, almost. We were at the station of Kumcheon, the stop for the Peace Park and the place where we were to get our passes to go into the DMZ ('De-Militarized Zone' – an area that vies with Jerusalem – 'City of Peace' – as the most unaptly named spot on earth) proper. We had an hour to spend here so we fell in with a shy young Korean girl called Chi, (or something along those lines), a university student from Seoul who was visiting the DMZ for the first time too. The sun beat down and we wandered amongst the various monuments that made up the Peace Park, a place that despite it's name must surely rate as one of the most scary and surreal tourist attractions on earth. For a Peace Park, there was a surprising lack of any peaceful message here apart from a vague desire for reunification, (on Southern terms of course). Instead, we were treated to an unnerving cocktail of anti-Northern propaganda, various memorials to those who fell in the 1951-3 war, (the one to the US fallen being by far the largest), a railway carriage selling North Korean products, and a large building containing a hamburger restaurant and a shop selling DMZ souvenirs, a swimming pool in the shape of a reunified Korea, a barbed wire fence by the railway track with messages in Korea pinned upon it and a small amusement park with rollercoasters and merry-go-rounds. Oh well, if your country has been ideologically ripped in two and thousands killed in the process, then why not make a fun family day out from it all. As I said, this place was weird.

dmz01  dmz04 dmz03 dmz02 The DMZ Peace Park: family fun in a warzone

Keeping an eye on Chi's watch we decided to lumber back to the station in time for out train onwards, only to find that said vehicle pulling out of the station that we were walking towards. “Oh no!” said a crestfallen Chi, “my watch must have stopped!” There was nothing for it but another hour in the Peace Park whose meagre attraction we had already exhausted. We turned around and walked back to Monumentland.

“I'm so sorry,” said Chi, blaming herself for us missing our train.

“Oh, it's nothing, after all it's as much our fault for not wearing [or even having] watches.” But she was having none of it and was only satisfied when she had presented us with her watch. Once more I was more than taken aback by the kindness and generosity of the people of the Orient, and ashamed to think that had she been in Britain, she would probably have not even felt guilty about us missing the train.

We passed the time by fully exploring the emporium of tack next to the burger bar and later when we finally boarded our train, along with our original luggage, we carried some North Korean postage stamps, a tourist guide to that said country and a plastic DMZ moneybox capped by two smiling border guards, one communist and one capitalist.

The railway line onwards, deep into the DMZ had only been reopened that year and if the place north of the border was Leninland, then this area immediately to the south was surely Propagandaia. Our humble local diesel train pulled into the vast and deserted expanse of the brand-new Dora-san station, a place so laughingly pointless it is unbelievable. Now it is empty as the line doesn't continue to the north, but even if the peninsular were ever to be reunited, then it would be no better as this enormous construction of concrete and glass serves no community whatsoever. Inside the sparkling forum little models showed us the station full of trains going to Pyongyang and beyond, whilst one wall was covered with the text of US President George W. Bush's speech that he had made whilst on a visit to the station, where he expressed his desire for peace and a peaceful reunification through South Korean President Kim Dae Jung's 'Sunshine Policy', (a process that he incidentally proceeded to bugger up completely soon afterwards by naming North Korea in his 'Axis of Evil').

From there it was onto a bus for the short drive up to the Observatory. Gazing out of the window at this seemingly peaceful and tranquil land, it was hard to believe that virtually every square centimetre was mined, and all the shrubs bristled with machine guns and infinitely more frightening modern military equipment.

Sliced through the greenery was a huge highway, lined with ornamental lampposts, each complete with a stylised outline of a unified Korea, completely devoid of cars and stopping abruptly with a huge sign declaring that the South have done there bit, and now the North must link up.

Apparently, two kilometres north, there is another empty highway that also stops abruptly at the border, with a large sign declaring a remarkable similar message.

dmz06 The Reunification Highway: not unifed

Our first stop was the Observatory, a military-green building overlooking the Land of Juche, the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. This was what I'd come to see and hungrily I gazed across at the vista that the Observatory provided. Before me lay a vast, almost deserted valley, punctuated only by two villages. The first of these, the guide told us, was inhabited, the second, the one closest to Panmunjeon, was not. Or at least, that is what the South Koreans said, though from that distance, (several kilometres), it was impossible to tell. “We know that it is deserted because all the lights come on automatically at the same time every evening,” continued our khaki-clad font of capitalist wisdom. “They are boasting to us that they have electricity you see.” Who knows? Not being there at eventide then certainly not I, though I could believe it. Obviously the village's only purpose was propaganda since smack in the middle of it stood the world's tallest flagpole, proudly flying the red white and blue colours of the North.

dmz05 The Observatory

“And there is the South Korean village,” explained the guide. “It is called 'Peace Village' and unlike the North Korean one people actually live there. It is a farming community.” 'Peace Village' boasted a flagpole almost as big as its northern brother and inhabited or not, it had obviously been built for the same purpose. The only place of any real business, Panmunjeon, was hidden in the greenery.

I could have stood for hours gazing at this forbidden land. Even without the ideological split, it was naturally a spectacular scene, but the fact that it showed a gap between two halves of a country that had proved unbridgeable in almost fifty years made it all the more haunting. The barren landscape and concrete block buildings reminded me strongly of gazing at Albania from the Greek island of Corfu back in 1996. Stalinist and isolationist, Albania shared much in common with North Korea just over a decade ago, and a viewer at that time may well have thought Korea's divisions far more mendable than those of Albania with her neighbours. Times change however and one does not even require a visa to enter the Land of the Eagle these days. Let's hope that Korea goes the same way.

Taking photos of the North was irritatingly forbidden so after a while we fell into conversation with one of the guards, a young man who'd volunteered to do his military service on the DMZ. He talked enthusiastically of the recent World Cup, and when he found out the Lowlander's country of birth, like most Koreans, he treated him like a king. “Ah! Holland, Gus Hiddink! He is the biggest hero of the Korean people!”

dmz07 dmz08 With the guards at the Observatory

Our next stop on the Magical Mystery Tour of North Korean Menace was at one of the infamous tunnels discovered underneath the DMZ heading towards Seoul. This was conveniently close to the Observatory and situated adjacent to a round exhibition hall where we were treated to a video on the course of the Korean War. And thus, background established, we were loaded onto a tiny train, given hard hats and then descended into the depths of the Third Tunnel of North Korean Aggression.

Several months before coming here, I'd read an interesting book about North Korea, (North Korea through the Looking Glass: Kongdon Oh and Ralph C. Hessing), which had covered the subject of the tunnels in depth. It reported how South Korean soldiers had seen smoke rising from the ground one day, and dug down and intercepted a tunnel. Since then several more had been found, some, (including the one that we were now visiting), discovered through evidence given by defectors. These tunnels, continued the book, were big enough for a whole division of infantry and even small tanks to pass through and launch a surprise attack on Seoul. It was scary stuff indeed!

Or perhaps not. Upon reaching the tunnel, (which was extremely deep underground), I was more than a little surprised. A division of infantry and small tanks could indeed traverse this tunnel quite easily, but only so long as we are talking about the armies of the Lilliputians. The tunnel was so small that the Lowlander and I struggled to walk down it two abreast. Now, I know that I'm no expert, but this looked like no serious military threat to me. For a start, it was so deep underground that for them to have ever got to the surface, it would have taken many more kilometres of tunnelling and if they were detectable at this level, then what hope did they have nearer to the surface? And on top of that, how long would it take a soldier to walk its length? Two hours perhaps, probably a lot longer. Apart from the initial attack it would be useless, as by the time reinforcements had got down it, the war would be over, let alone the position still be ok. No I, (and the Lowlander too), were more than a little unconvinced. Was this yet another piece of propaganda devised to help convince us of the evils of Mr. Kim's regime? The convenient location certainly pointed to that, as did the fact that the pick marks, coming from the North Korean direction were highlighted, made it seem like they were trying just a little bit too hard. Perhaps the North Koreans had built tunnels under the DMZ, (I doubt not that the South Koreans had too), or perhaps not, but I for one was certain that this was not one of them. Still, real or not, it had been an entertaining experience and we felt not cheated at all as we ascended back to the surface.

dmz09 Going underground in the rather suspect spy tunnels

Back up top there was another party waiting to go down, this time a group of immaculately turned out US Army Officers. This got me thinking about their role in this whole mixed up affair. Are they the heroes or the villains? Are they the ones preventing a Northern invasion and stoutly supporting their allies in Seoul, or are they the ones at fault, their presence the main obstacle to peace on this troubled peninsular. This lot, laughing and joking as they boarded the train that would take them down to see the handiwork of the enemy (???), looked neither hero or villain, and perhaps that's what they really are, like most things in life, part boon and part hindrance and wholly hard to define.

Our tour was now largely over. We'd seen how evil the North could be and had that satanic state laid before us, and so it was of course time to buy the T-shirt. The selection at this emporium however, several kilometres away from the border turned out to be far less inspiring than that at the Peace Park, and so we settled instead for some noodles that turned out to be so bad that I'd seriously consider defecting the the North if I was forced to eat them on a regular basis. Then it was back onto the bus for a short trip through a maze of military bases and then onto the smart new Reunification Highway, which as I mentioned earlier, was so far failing to live up to its name, back to Dora-san station and the train back to Seoul.

As we passed back into normality through the capital's nondescript suburbs I got thinking about what we'd seen which had certainly been surreal if nothing else. The division of Korea, more complete than the Berlin Wall ever was, fascinates me and is one of the great tragedies of our age. If one thinks of all the outcomes of the Korean War, there is perhaps, none more tragic than the present one. Should the South have won there'd be a united capitalist country akin to Japan or the present South Korea, and if the North had won it would be united and socialist, probably having undergone reforms like China and Vietnam and fast-becoming a prosperous Pacific-Rim state. Yet as it is, the threat of each other has held both countries back. The Red Menace has given to governments of the South excuses for year to oppress their own and real democracy and freedom are only just arriving there now. What's more, the North's claims that Seoul is just a puppet of the US do ring true and the Americans involve themselves in the running of the country far more than an outside power should.

And then there's the North, cut off from the world, reportedly starving and impoverished, definitely lagging far behind her neighbours, gripped in a personality-cult dictatorship of staggering proportions, the presence of the South making any Chinese-style reforms a proposition not worth the risk for the ruling elite.

And how will it all end? Who knows? The only sure thing is that all of the possibilities seem unlikely. Sudden Northern collapse and revolution, the North invades the South, the South invades the North, Southern collapse and revolution, continued stagnation and stand-off, a slow opening-up to the outside world by the North? All seem improbable, yet one must happen. The question is, which one?

Returning to Seoul our day was far from over, and despite the exertions of a day on the frontline we were ready for more. And besides, we had a task to carry out...

The day before, the Lowlander had suggested that since we were in Korea, why not sample the dish for which the country is most infamous, dog. Now to tell the truth, I'd never thought of this myself, (but isn't that why it's best to travel with someone else, far less predictable?), but once he'd suggested it and I'd had time to get the idea of cute Labrador puppies out of my head, I was enthusiastic. Besides, after spouting off for years on the evils of vegetarianism, how could I refuse this dogmatic challenge?

Accepting the idea of consuming canine was one thing however. Finding a woof woof to wolf was another. Although Korea has a reputation as a dog devourer's paradise, I'm afraid to say that this is a myth. “Dog?” said our cute hotel receptionist, “I never eat dog. My father sometimes... No I don't know where is dog restaurant.”

Chi at the DMZ was equally elusive. She even seemed ashamed of Korea's reputation as the globe's hot-dog capital. “I've never eaten dog,” said she, “I don't know what it tastes like, sorry.” She did however write down the hangul characters which we now presented to the underworked lady at the Central Station Tourist Office.

“Dog?” she queried. “You have dog?”

“No.”

“You want to buy dog?”

“No.”

“What about dog then?”

“We want to eat dog!”

“Eat?!” She looked angry. We were fast learning that most Koreans were not only not dog devours, but were in fact rather ashamed of their countrymen who were, in much the same sense as the average Englishman is disgusted by his aristocratic fox-hunting brethren. She was however, there to help us, however distasteful that task may be, and so she guided us to an area of town famous for its canine cuisine.

Once there however, we were little better off. “No dogs here!” was the answer at all the restaurants that we tried, accompanied with a look that suggested that they'd prefer it if we left their establishment. Eventually however, after traipsing round every brightly-lit street in the block, we were directed by a pharmacist to a tiny establishment down an alleyway. We checked the hangul characters above the doorway. They matched! We bent our heads and entered the low doorway into a small, traditional-style eating house with a pleasant ambience and enticing smell coming from the kitchen. The waiter, surprised to see two white men, approached us uneasily, unable to speak a word of English. We however just showed him the note that we'd got Chi to write, stating 'dog soup'. He nodded and showed us to our places.

dog dinner Dining on dog

And so we did dog, and very nice it was too. A fine spicy stew with meat more akin to rabbit than anything else that I've ever eaten, washed down with two glasses of Korea's most average of ales. And for those who ask, 'How could you do it? Think of those cute little fluffy things!' then I shall explain. Think of a brown-eyed golden retriever or droopy-eared and loving spaniel then yes, you're right, enjoying your spicy dog soup might be difficult. But if you picture in your mind one of those annoying, small yappy dogs that old ladies favour then you'll realise that by far the best place for them is in your soup, and you start to feel positively like your actually doing the world a favour. And thus, with our bellies full of Fido, we headed out into the neon night, read for our next dose of Culture Korea, this time one of my suggestions.

As mentioned earlier, whilst in Japan, I'd developed a taste for bathing as a leisure activity. Unfortunately however, when the Lowlander had visited Toyama, I had but arrived in the country myself and hadn't yet discovered this fine mode of relaxation, and thus he was sadly ignorant of what in my mind is the highlight of the Orient. Now however, he was out East again, for his second and potentially last time, and thus this was not an opportunity to waste!

Heading out to a spa resort however was out of the question due to time (and money) restrictions. So, it would have to be the next best thing, something that is as rewarding culturally however, if not as sumptuous as the full-blown oncheon experience. We were to go to an urban bath-house.

Bath-houses differ from the oncheons in that there the water is but that from the tap heated up, and are consequently not jam-packed full of minerally goodness. What's more, they tend to generally be more basic and less well-kept although this rule is far from rigid. They come in all shapes and sizes from the hundred year-old tiled-roof pavilion with lime-encrusted tubs, to fabulous palaces of pleasure with palms, saunas, Jacuzzis and baths heated to a myriad of different temperatures. Most city centre ones however are remarkably similar. Occupying the lower or basement floors of a building, they contain baths and sauna at the very bottom whilst on the floors above are the sleeping rooms, for it is these establishments that provide much of the city's cheap, short-term accommodation. Vast dark halls, filled with beds are the order of the day, occupied by lorry drivers, travelling salesmen, low ranking delegates in town for a conference and less legal types. There's usually a TV room as well, thick with cigarette smoke, and next to that, a cheap and basic canteen.

The baths that we found were no exception, and after a small altercation with the doorman who didn't want to let us it, (one normally books for the night, not by the hour), we were both naked and soaking in a deep hot tub, the aches and pains of a day in Propagandaia slowly drifting away. “So what do you reckon?” I asked the Lowlander.

“I wish that we had these in the Netherlands!” he replied. Praise indeed!

And so it was all clean, refreshed and clear-headed, we boarded the Metro that evening back to our hotel. Not everyone was in the same state however. One girl, further down the coach had obviously had more than a little too much to drink and required three of her male friends to hold her upright. I smiled to myself, remembering the countless times that I've been in her position, (though never on the Seoul Metro I must add), and all I can say is that when I woke up the following morning, I was glad indeed to be me and not her.

Next part: 1e: Seoul, Incheon and Across the Yellow Sea